This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
