how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
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You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
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No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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