last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
