Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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