Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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