Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
