hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
