Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
