Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
