I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
