You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she told me i tasted like america
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
