We're facebook friends in real life
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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