Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
