My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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