Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I had to cum in my sink.
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