Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I don't deserve a penis
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
