Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
