gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You can't just leave with hair like that
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
