3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize