you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I think I have vodka in my lungs
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
