My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
