If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
