Banned from zoo.
Again?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
