I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
