dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
