That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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