a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
