3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
