and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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