it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
