Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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