do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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