You just made me feel so damn special
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
