I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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