textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
