I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
