I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
