So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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