I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
