I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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