Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
