I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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