She's JV to your varsity
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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