He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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