under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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