I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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