I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
