im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
