Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
