At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
