im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
