I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize