you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
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I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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