glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
