he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
