Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
