So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
