thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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