Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
