I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
