im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
