I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
