I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
me + whiskey = a bad person
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
