Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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