i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
