So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
