I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
