Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
