Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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