sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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