I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So gin and wine won't be happening again
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
