I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
