so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
