your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
